wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
