And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
