i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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