I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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