I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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