It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
