Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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