and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
