I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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