I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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