Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
