her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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