Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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