If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
