I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
