I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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