i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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