I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
