I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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