Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
