Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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