Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
