you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
