i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
