she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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