dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
