What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
