its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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