i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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