Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And then he peed in my hair
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