I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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