Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
