don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
