My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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