They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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