shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
