I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
