I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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