this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
