why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
