i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
