I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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