i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
