things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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