After last night, I could never be a politician.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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