You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
