yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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