If i come over, it means nothing
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
