I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
