Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
